we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
