i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
