I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
