dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
