dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
