worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
