I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think my moral compass just broke
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