i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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