I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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