She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry about my life...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
