i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
