i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
