I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
