I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
