You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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