I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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