We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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