Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
