haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
