We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
