does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
