i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
