I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
