I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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