I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
