So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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