I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
