I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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