Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
