Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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