I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
