Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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