Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
