just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
