i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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