Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
