This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
