Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ttyl tear gas
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
