Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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