you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
