Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
