the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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