So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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