Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
