I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
