GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
