I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
