see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
