Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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