i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
