don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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