she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
