WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
